BREAKING: JAKE MANNIX IS FUCKING SICK AT SOCCER

World leaders and researches across the globe are collaborating to find the right combination of words to describe just how fucking good Jake Mannix is.

Obama weighed in the issue: "Dude did you see that fucking Strikers game? Jake had like, two hattys. Kids nice,"

His skill and speed has proven to be deadly in his career, and the 50 goal mark apears to be closing in for the club's star player. Mannix was asked about his preformance after the game "I like the croissant more, but the bagel fills me up." These words have inspired the likes of millions.

Before I left with the superstar, he wanted to add one more comment, "It's a marathon, you can't get lapped." I have no clue what that means, too deap for me. But scholars centuries from now will spend their entire lives analysing and studying this.

If you don't know who this man is, then your best course of action is to tread lightly, because to say this man is a force to be reckoned with would be a gross understatement.

Related: Udder Domination unaware of the shreckoning that is about to occur.